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Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children;
now I have six children and no theories.
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
The only fish that swim with the current are the dead ones.
- Plague in the Alnwick Castle Gardens
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.
You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
- Steven Wright
If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.
It is possible at any age to discover a lifelong desire you never knew you had.
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.
The only Zen you can find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring there.
-Robert M. Pirsig
The obscure we see eventually. The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer.
-Edward R Morrow
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. -
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices …… take it or leave it
- Buddy Hackett
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
- Mark Twain
I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.
Eggs cannot be unscrambled.
Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.
You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra
There is still no cure for the common birthday.
You can bear your troubles or shrug them off. They're your shoulders.
- Robert Brault
If the lessons of history teach us anything
it is that nobody learns the lessons history teaches us.
Most often, the person you would die for would settle for dinner and a movie.
— Birth of Porcupine Quillting
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