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I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.
You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
- Steven Wright
The obscure we see eventually. The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer.
-Edward R Morrow
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children;
now I have six children and no theories.
If the lessons of history teach us anything
it is that nobody learns the lessons history teaches us.
The only Zen you can find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring there.
-Robert M. Pirsig
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.
I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.
You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra
Most often, the person you would die for would settle for dinner and a movie.
It is possible at any age to discover a lifelong desire you never knew you had.
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.
Eggs cannot be unscrambled.
You can bear your troubles or shrug them off. They're your shoulders.
- Robert Brault
Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. -
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
- Mark Twain
There is still no cure for the common birthday.
The only fish that swim with the current are the dead ones.
- Plague in the Alnwick Castle Gardens
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices …… take it or leave it
- Buddy Hackett
— Birth of Porcupine Quillting
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